Youjitsu 2nd Year V9 SS– Ichinose Honami –I Must Move Forward
On the night when I was doing karaoke with Kanzaki-kun, I was stuck around in Keyaki Mall until late. Ayanokōji-kun, who was passing the time in a similar fashion, called out to me.
“Huh! …I was in a daze. I was going to the general store and making my way to the front of the movie theater for no reason?”
I answered why I had remained in the mall until late at night, and mentioned whatever came to my mind.
“Since we’re both here, if you’d like, do you want to head back together?”
I couldn’t say that I understood my classmates, but Ayanokōji-kun was even more of an unknown.
That was why I thought it would be good to understand what kind of person he was, even if only a bit.
Talking to people certainly wasn’t my forte, and I didn't like it either. I couldn’t count how many times I felt annoyed when doing so.
But before I knew it, I was having a lively conversation with the boy by my side.
It wasn’t like I was attracted to him as a member of the opposite sex, I just got the feeling that our wavelengths or something matched.
But I didn’t really know the reason. He was just a boy that was hard to understand.
“I realized that I couldn't do anything compared to what I had imagined. I had this groundless confidence that I was doing something amazing by picking up that Ichinose-san was in danger, unlike those around me who failed to notice. I feel like I was humbled.”
I would've been angry if someone else had said something like that to me, but his words genuinely stuck with me.
“I’m sorry for saying something so negative.”
“That isn’t something you need to apologize for. Rather, what you said was correct.”
While I thought it would be better to be more honest with myself beside him, I was still scared.
Someone like that wouldn’t be me though. I felt like I would become a different existence entirely.
“I thought it would be easier to do something amazing… Taking action is difficult.”
“Everyone feels that way. Even Ichinose and I find it difficult to take action.”
“We’re currently looking for the correct way forward. But as is, I’m losing faith that continuing with Kanzaki-kun and Hamaguchi-kun would make things better.”
“Being hesitant isn’t a bad thing. However, it's not a problem that can be solved if you do nothing.”
That’s true. It’s valid reasoning, but…
I didn’t know if the efforts we were putting in to change the class were moving in the right direction.
“Yes, but… even though I started moving to save the class, I can't help but feel like invisible gears are slowly starting to go away.”
What I was feeling was that the situation would get even worse than it was then.
I wanted to think that it wasn’t going to be like that, but I didn’t have the evidence I needed to feel at ease.
I hope that my anxiety is just due to me overthinking.
